Enough is Enough: You Deserve More Than Scraps

You have to stop choosing heartache over joy. You have to stop choosing sleepless nights over rest. You have to stop choosing the person who has chosen to fight you instead of for you.

We tend to overcomplicate the simplicity of being in healthy relationships. Bold statement but hear me out… We list out excuses and reasons to remain shackled to people or situations that twist our souls into versions of ourselves we no longer recognize. We justify the present abuse for hope that the future will be worth it; believing we are capable of miraculously being the savior from their brokenness.

However, our hope should not be found by being the martyr in our own life.  We find true hope is in accepting the truth in what others teach us through their actions, not their broken promises, accepting the hard truth, and then deciding to fight for our joy.

Through self-exploration, we find this to be true… we have been on the floor surviving on crumbs when we deserve steak dinner on a beautifully set table. Waiting for others to legitimize our worth in order to live in the freedom of self-acceptance. This robs us of a lifetime of true joy; in ourselves and in the life we long to live.

Out of obligation and good intention, we forget we have a CHOICE.

We deserve to feel full and satisfied on a steak dinner with all the fixins instead of the measly crumbs left for us as a second-hand thought. We deserve to be prioritized. When we feel guilt for choosing ourselves, it should serve as a reminder that we have been shorthanded for far too long; trained to receive less while giving every part of ourselves.

I understand how you may feel trapped in feelings of obligation because you feel it’s possible to fix the ones you love, but I challenge you: is it healthy love when there is a selfish demand for you to fix a problem you were never intended to fix? Realizing what we should or shouldn’t take control of,  opens this perception of reality: It is not our job to fix anyone; at all times we can only fix ourselves. 

The people in our lives should be recharging our battery by loving us well; by taking responsibility for themselves, so we are not left with the burden to do it. There are few people who have the privilege of taking a main role in our lives, and those people should be charging our battery, not draining it. Any time a relationship leaves us depleted and drained, with nothing left to give to ourselves, how are we supposed to find happiness? The hard-to-swallow pill is that we won’t. 

So, I encourage others often to ask themselves, “Who are the “main character roles" in your life? Are they draining your battery or recharging it? Are they expecting you take responsibility for their life choices or doing the hard work of self-exploration in order to shield you from the burden and weight that only belongs to them to fix and change?”

If this resonates with you, and you feel a tug deep in your gut, perhaps it’s time to unpack your relationships and learn to prioritize yourself, so you can feel empowered to climb out of toxic relationships that leave you in bondage and pain. So instead, you can learn to feel comfortable choosing yourself by recognizing who is truly for you and who isn’t.

You are capable of navigating the complexities of your relationships so that in turn, you find freedom and joy instead of heartache and suffering. Your relationships should give more than they take, build you up, more than tear you down; empower you, instead of robbing you of the control you should have over your life.

They say that truth will set us free, and I believe that with every part of my being. What is the truth surrounding you, that perhaps, has been too painful to accept? Instead of attempting to fix someone else, choose to unpack what is right in front of you, showing you the way. In that painful acceptance, I believe the sun will start shining brighter, your space will no longer feel like it is falling in on you, and you will start breathing in the hope that comes with acceptance, truth, and the reality that you are worthy of that big, juicy, expensive, steak with all the fixins!