Empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
There has been a lot of recent buzz around Empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP). As practitioners we see so many clients come to therapy not knowing that they themselves are likely either or both, especially children. Yet, many people find themselves in situations or relationships where they are keenly attuned to their environment, other’s feelings more than their own and a high sense of knowing what to be aware of or alert to. Now, this doesn't sound like it would present many issues that would need therapy, right? However, as we learn more and more about nervous system regulation, childhood development and our cognitive faculties we see the wonder and intuitive heighteness that Empaths and HSP truly are matched for, but also the difficulties people and children with these abilities can endure.
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For many Empaths and HSP this sensing didn’t always or hasn’t shared itself as a gift, but as a coping mechanism to be loved and safe in this world.
For the empaths out there, childhood ego wounds most likely resulted in the internalizing narrative of seeking love and acceptance…
“If I change this about me…I will be loved.”
“When they see how I do this…I will be loved.”
“I can show them how to fix this…then I will be loved.”
All of these narratives came from a place of SENSING the pain, distraction, self-involvement, preoccupation or avoidance in others, by that sweet dear little empath and wanting so hard to use their gift to get back what they wanted the others to feel. What a beautiful gift they want to present, but from the motivation of needing safety in return, whether from their family, peers or community.
Safety would include acceptance, attunement and attendance to their emotional needs as well. Unfortunately, not all Empaths and HSP are in systems that know HOW to do that. This could be because we don’t teach others how to intentionally do this in our relationships or it could be that from our own conditioning or trauma we have become disassociated from even our own emotional needs.
What can you do if you yourself are an Empath or HSP to use this giftedness for the way it is supposed to be used and not in a form of overfunctioning?
Find moments to withdraw from high sensory environments so that you can be clear of what YOU are feeling, not others. This may be high conflict conversations or news cycles. Noisy or light polluted environments that feel overwhelming. Withdrawal helps energetically clear our nervous system so we can better attune to ourselves and speak from a place of clarity rather than conditioning.
Regularly ask yourself if you are overfunctioning in your relationships. Are you saying or doing something that you are hoping will impact what someone else says or does? This is overfunctioning and a characteristic of codependency. Sometimes this is such a second nature response to our environment that we have a hard time identifying it, thus taking time to check in with ourselves is key.
Make time for nature, music or other creative activities. Being an Empath or HSP means that you are keenly aware of patterns in your environment and can pick up on them at a higher level than others. Being in creative and/or natural environments allows the pattern making to follow a rhythm that develops this ability but is without conditioning. Think of it like a super power boot-camp, but without laser-eye beams taking out buildings!
So today, fellow Empaths and HSPs, whether this is a REMINDER of your giftedness or a REVELATION of such, know that you are good, worthy and lovable because you are, and that this AMAZING purpose of reading and sensing energy and emotions is to be used as a guide and a teacher not just for others, but for yourself too.
by Cristine Seidell