Holiday Hysteria: The Good, The Bad, and The Stressful of Holiday Family Gatherings by Zack McMaster
Take a second and reflect on the feelings that come up for you as the holiday season approaches. Some of those feelings may include excitement, happiness, or even relief. However, the holiday season can also come with a lot of stress, frustration, or apprehension. As you reflected on your feelings about this time of the year, you may have noticed a mix of these kinds of emotions. It is possible and normal to feel both excited and worried about the coming holidays. Some of the biggest stresses you may face during this time of the year are scheduling and logistical stressors, communication difficulties, and boundaries.
Family can be a great resource for our well-being, but family can also be one of the greatest sources of stress at the same time. Whether you come from a large or a small family, scheduling family gatherings can be a real pain. Bring divorces or marriages into the mix, and you may be looking at having to attend several gatherings in one day. Outside of scheduling, other logistical issues that you may face may include figuring out who is bringing what to the gathering, cleaning the house if you are the host, or even navigating food allergies. Mix all of these possible stressors together, and these holiday gatherings may seem more like a task than an enjoyable time.
“How is school going?”, “How’s married life?”, “Look how big you’ve gotten!” and so on. Family gatherings often become a time for life updates. The same conversations happen year after year. While there may be no new exciting news to share and these questions just feel tedious and frustrating, these conversations beat the alternative of potentially angry discussions when different people have different opinions and values. Whether it’s politics or platitudes, it seems like there are no good topics for these gatherings.
Family is our first network for connecting with the world around us. They teach us so much about ourselves, what to expect from others, and what to expect from the world as a whole. They can be a great resource and support for us as we develop. However, it is normal and necessary to implement boundaries as we grow up. As we develop and meet different milestones in our lives, our relationships with our families need to change to match the needs we have and our ability to have autonomy.
Now that we have talked about the stressors, what can we do about them?
Self-Care: Take care of yourself this holiday season. Take some time to meditate, read, watch some movies, or get caught up on some rest or that podcast. Maybe even take a trip and get away for a little bit. Whatever it is, be intentional about it. Schedule time for yourself. Even at family gatherings, schedule 15 minutes to yourself and step away from the party to do what you need to do for yourself.
Enforce Boundaries: Whether it is avoiding certain topics or not attending one of the many gatherings you have been invited to, you need to be firm on your boundaries. Understand that people will try to push your boundaries, but honest, direct, and clear communication about what is important to you and the need to take care of yourself can help. While not everyone will understand and some people will push back, your boundaries are important.
Come Prepared: Be ready to have to field questions you may not want to answer or become repetitive. You can also choose to answer those questions with things you are excited to talk about. Be prepped with a recent story you could talk about or a topic you do want to discuss.
Appreciation: Appreciate the good things that happen during these holiday seasons. We can get so caught up in the running around and our frustrations or anxieties around this time, but there is good too. Maybe you have not seen some family members in a while and are excited, maybe there is a new addition to the family, some traditions that excite you, a new funny story or memory to tell down the road. Notice and appreciate the good during this season.