Play Therapy - So Much More Than “Just Playing” By Katie Paro
As a therapist that works with kiddos, I receive a lot of questions and comments from parents and caregivers that I thought may be helpful to share. This blog post is for those of you whose kids are in therapy and you may have questions about the process, or maybe you’re thinking of starting therapy for your kid but aren’t sure what play therapy means.
Isn’t play therapy “just playing”? I already do that with my kid at home. Why would they need therapy to do that?
While play therapy does involve playing, it’s so much more than “just playing”. Play therapists use specific skills and techniques in the play room that are unique to the play therapy experience. In short, these therapeutic tools allow kids to develop decision making skills, autonomy, self-esteem, and self-regulation, while helping them process their internal struggles. For example, if a child is facing a difficult task (like taking apart legos - we all know how that goes), they will often ask us to do it for them when their feelings of frustration arise. In child-centered play therapy, therapists use skills such as reflective responding and encouragement, where the therapist reflects the experience and feeling back to the child, while also empowering kids to keep trying. The key here is that the therapist doesn’t jump in and do it for them. These therapeutic exercises help kids learn to tolerate distress, while also building self-esteem as they learn to do things on their own. As a parent, it’s difficult to sit back and watch our kids struggle with a task. And, let’s be honest, sometimes we just don’t want to hear the whining anymore, so we jump in and take apart the legos for them. Therapists are there to support the child experiencing discomfort - a task that is often easier for a therapist who is not triggered by the child’s behaviors. This brings me to one of the most powerful components of play therapy - the therapist-child relationship. Play therapists practice with unconditional regard, which means the child is allowed to just be as they are without being told who to be or how to show up. Very few, if any, environments in a child’s world allow them to “just be”, an experience that has incredible therapeutic benefits for kids. Limits are set when needed, but generally, kids are allowed to play out situations, scenarios, relationships, etc, that may not be allowed in other environments. This is all done with someone who is impartial and does not have a history of playing the role of parent. This impartiality helps kids foster stress tolerance skills.
Can you talk to my kid about that issue from school today? I think they really need to address it.
While it is important to unpack and process our struggles, kids don’t do this in the same way as adults. Talking is to adults as playing is to children. Play therapists allow kids to process their experiences through their inherent language in developmentally appropriate ways - and for most kids, this is done through play. Kids use play as a way to work through and resolve whatever may be “stuck” internally that they haven’t processed yet. So - don’t be surprised if a play therapist doesn’t pepper your child with questions about their issue from school today. Kids bring these things up in therapy in their own ways - even if it’s not a 1:1 verbal conversation. The language of play therapy is not verbal and direct. A child may not tell a therapist they are struggling with a bully at school, however, in play therapy they will often act out scenarios with action figures or legos that they have experienced first hand.
It’s been a month. Why haven’t I seen progress, and when should I expect to see progress?
Parents and caregivers are often in a rush to address their child’s challenging behaviors. There are many reasons for this, including pressures coming from school and daycare environments. However, progress with kids can take time. Kids need time to establish rapport and trust during the therapy process - much more so than it takes for adults. One month is typically just a warm up phase for the child to feel comfortable and safe in the therapy environment. It can take several months to begin seeing significant changes, and of course this varies from kid to kid depending on their history. History of trauma can add to this timeframe. So - don’t wait until you’re at your wits end to bring them to therapy! There’s no quick solution for complex behavioral issues, especially in children.
My child’s behaviors have worsened. Maybe this isn’t the right approach.
When kids are working through their internal struggles, it is often the case that what you see on the surface (ie. their behavior) will get worse before it gets better. If you have concerns about this or if it’s impacting school, daycare, or home environments, you can talk to your child’s therapist about collaborating with school and others in your child’s caregiving environment. Therapists can ensure that everyone is in sync and can coach others on how to respond to the child’s behaviors in a more effective way.