Beyond Fight and Flight

Back in the early human days anxiety and panic were exclusive to physical safety. The saber tooth tiger, wooly mammoth, famine, invasion, etc. were all fundamental situations that alerted our limbic system to release the needed stress hormones for survival. Run or fight. That was it. Survival was that narrow of a line.

Once society progressed and we became more sophisticated in our survival, we began to turn our gaze inward to our systems. This brought about many benefits but also the beginnings of systems trauma. As fear and panic are part of our innate psychological spectrum of emotions, we are programmed to respond appropriately. However, in modern times, these fears turned to that of our childhood experiences, specifically under the adults in our lives.

What used to be a prehistoric threat, now can be the dismissive, critical, neglectful, aggressive, abusive or emotionally immature reactions the adults in a child’s life can exhibit which communicate to a child that they are unsafe and threatened.

Now, some of life’s littles have and will respond by the typical fight (physically/verbally) or flight (run/avoid), but with the societal norm to be one of a power differential between adults and children, children (and now grown adults) will respond with the newly recognized trauma responses of FREEZE and FAWN.

Freeze is the response that developed as a mean of “playing dead” and hoping the aggressor will either pass by or the recipient will disassociate until the trauma ends.

What does that look like in children and adults?

In children, this will be the child that must endure the adults monologue of criticisms and critiques. The child is held captive to the emotional swing of the adult. This can include being verbally shamed or physically victimized. Many sexual abuse or assault victims will have this type of panic response.

In adulthood, this can be the adult that can’t verbalize in a high conflict argument. They can’t explain themselves well and/or describe how they feel.

Fawn is the response that is utilized when the recipient of the aggression will try and appease or comfort the aggressor.

In childhood, this would be the child that would start cleaning while the parent berated the child or would try and give the parent affection during the conflict.

In adulthood, this can present itself as adults who find themselves in manipulative and dysfunctional relationships where they over function or overcompensate when the aggressive partner is verbally or physically projecting abusive tendencies.

Fight, flight, freeze or fawn are all responses to the message traveling through the limbic system trying to keep us safe and survive the environments and situations that threaten us. For the children and adults navigating this sometimes scary world in freeze or fawn, know that there are skills you can learn to navigate these responses, heal and come back into this beautiful world feeling safe, secure and joyful to live the life you were supposed to.

  By Cristine Seidell