Our Need for Silence

Why do we feel like we always have to have words of wisdom or comfort in response to the emotional pain of those around us? There is no Hallmark card-worthy quote, verse, or poem that will restore what was lost, and yet we offer words that are at best bandaids on a gunshot wound or at worst harmful and invalidating. Why? Because so many of us don’t recognize silence as being more powerful than words in so many circumstances.

We’ve been led to believe that silence in the face of someone’s pain means that we’re helpless. Out of ideas. Socially awkward. That we don’t care. But in reality, what else is there to say to a friend who has lost her unborn baby, or to a spouse of someone taken by a brain tumor in less than a week? Instead of speaking and trying to give comfort, sit with them in silence and hold space for their pain and the weight that they carry. 

Silence is one of the most powerful and yet vulnerable things we can experience as people. The more work I do as a therapist, the more I realize what a sacred space silence is. We don't get it often and it can be unnerving for some, but simply sitting in silence and “being” with someone is such an honor.

Why are we so averted to silence in our day-to-day lives that it often takes a therapist and a quiet office with a scented candle to get us to sit and simply be? When we lose our time to be still and silent, we lose our time to reflect, to process, to honor our spirits, and to listen- to ourselves, to God, to nature, to our friends, etc. And if we don’t practice silence in our own lives, it will be that much harder to give silence when our loved ones might need it most.

Be still and rest in the silence in interactions with yourself and with others this week. You'll be amazed at what you find when you start with nothing.