If the change is good, why is it still hard?

I’m on the precipice of a change I have been waiting for- I’m about to complete my graduate studies and start as a full time counselor. This is something I have wanted since I was thirteen years old, but yet even typing about it now, I can feel the knot of anxiety in my stomach. When I first noticed this knot, I jumped on it with judgment- harshly asking “am I not ready to be a full time counselor?” “Am I not ready to leave grad school?” “Am I not sure of my skills to help people?”- but none of those rang true, as I know they aren’t true. Instead, I got to the point in feeling and “talking to” this anxiety that I remembered change is hard. Transitions are hard. 

I cannot properly convey the way my heart lights up at the idea of being a full time counselor, the love I feel in my work environment, or the excitement I have to serve others- but as strong as those feelings are, there is also some anxiety, and that’s okay. When we go through life transitions, ones we would consider good and ones we would consider bad, we are going to experience the full spectrum of emotions. 

 I know that even though graduating with my masters degree is a mark I’ve learned the foundations of my field and that I have shown to professors that I do not need the extra support university provides, I also can hold space for grieving that structured support provided by classmates and professors. I can sit with myself and reflect on the nerves that come with feeling more independent, and let that emotion have some attention until the excitement comes back. 

When we know we are about to go through these changes, tending to that full spectrum of emotions is an important way to care for ourselves. We know that our feelings don’t truly go away just because we shove them to the side, but rather will linger with us and affect who we are in the new phase of our lives. Take moments during the transition to honor these feelings and sort through them, giving them proper spaces whether they come with you or not to this next stage of life. 

By Kaylee Finlay