In a World Full of “No”, Where Can You Add a “Yes”?

I once read something about a teacher who always aimed to give her students a “yes” whenever she could because they are so used to hearing “no”. That really stuck with me. In my own life as a parent, I have realized just how much I find myself saying no, too. It has almost become an automatic response - sometimes even before our kids have even finished their sentence or their question. 

If you’re a parent, you might think that if you don’t say no, your child will take advantage of you, become spoiled, not learn the lesson, become entitled, be selfish…. the list could go on. But kids are a bit more complex than this, and their experiences are dynamic - influenced often by us. 

Kids are learning how to become unique individuals with their own desires, hopes, and wishes. When kids constantly hear no, it may make them pause the next time they want to ask for something. Their path toward self-confidence, independence, and autonomy may be jolted. They might be expecting the no, so they’re too scared to ask. Or, they might assume it’s a no, so they’ll sneak it instead. They might become extremely worried or anxious and self conscious because the constant ‘no’ feels so heavy day in and day out. They may not want to trust their own desires, hopes, and wishes, because they’re being shut down more often than not.

So what happens when we say yes? “Yes” can light up our kids. They feel on top of the world because their very own, special idea wasn’t shut down. They may get to enjoy something after a really long and tough day at school. Maybe the thing they’ve been dreaming about for weeks is finally going to happen. Or maybe they feel like their parents finally seemed to understand just how much this small thing means to them.

Sometimes a yes can be extremely simple and not as complicated as we think. I asked my own daughter to write down a list of things she would want if she were to be given a “yes day”. Here was her list:

• 2 bowls of ice cream for breakfast

• Cup of coffee

• Ride mom’s bike

• Drink 5 cups of oat milk

• Go to South America

• Do a reading challenge

• Have laptop time for 5 or 9 hours

• Take a nap

• Play hide & seek in the dark

• Play normal hide & seek

• Make crafts

• Put pictures on the wall

Make crafts? Yep! Do a reading challenge? You got it! Put pictures on the wall? Sure! Am I going to give my 7-year-old a cup of coffee? Of course not. But the point is, there are so many things on our kids’ “yes” wishlists that really could be yeses. Give it a try this week. What’s on your child’s “yes” wishlist? What’s on your own? Challenge yourself to offer at least one yes - to both your child and yourself - this week. In a world FULL of no, sometimes it’s nice to get that YES!

By Katie Paro