Stop comparing, START sharing!

Something I have been hearing a lot lately in my practice with individuals of all ages is the minimization and dismissal of their unique struggles. Fear of adding to someone else’s problems. Insecurity around their problems not being big or bad enough compared to others, ultimately leading to the decision of not reaching out. The conscious decision to hold everything in encumbers individuals from feeling supported and less alone. These internal battles continue to build, we spiral, and eventually something gives.

Yes, we can take into consideration what someone else is going through, but we are not meant to deal with such difficult moments on our own. Our society has conditioned Americans to be independent. That independence and being self-sufficient is what everyone needs to strive for, a representation of success and maturity. However, we are biologically designed to connect and have mutual dependency. Turning to others for emotional support is a source and sign of strength, not a weakness.

A trauma or problem can’t be quantified or compared! It is your personal experience. So the next time you are struggling and that familiar thought comes in saying, “You can handle this on your own, don’t bother them they already have enough going on in their lives as it is, you don’t want them to worry”, try to silence that thought and replace it with, “No, I need help and have people in my life that love and care about me and want to help. My problems matter too. My story deserves to be heard. The quicker I let others into my inner world the quicker I will move through this pain and feel more at peace”.

Try to find someone you trust and feel safe with. This can be a friend, teacher, parent, partner, cousin, or therapist. They don’t have to give you advice, but sometimes just a listening ear, hug, empathy, or gentle encouragement is all we need. Recognize the hard wired human need for interdependence. You matter just as much as everyone around you. Life is hard, and you are not alone on this journey.

By Monica Van Deventer