Transitions are HARD – Let’s do it well!
It is May 22nd, and right about now is when you begin to hear the infamous lyrics of the 1972 hard rock hit, “Schools Out” (For Summer). For the kids in grade school and college, they hold onto the hope of these lyrics knowing that summer is just around the corner. To them summer is a reset, it is the land of opportunity, it is relaxing as they are blissfully unaware that 2.5 months flies by in the blink of an eye. For your kids, they began transitioning into summer after spring break and I am sure it is apparent in their lack of motivation and jittery attitude for school to JUST END. While summer looks like a glimmer of hope on the horizon for fun and adventure, I hear all too often from parents that it is a hard transition and one that they have mixed feelings about, both positive and negative. Not to mention the transition back into school come fall…but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there!
We know for most kids they are ready to “chill” and catch a break from the demands of school. In a way parents and kids encounter opposite transitions—kids go from structure, academic demands, and limited play to months that are less structured, less demanding, and include many more hours of free time. For parents, they go from having kids in school 2, 3, 4, or 5 days a week and limited time to entertain at home to now having to plan and execute a lot more child-centered plans between the hours of 8am and 3pm every. single. day. For parents this transition comes with a lot of jumping through hoops. All of a sudden you are having to navigate schedules, financial changes, play-dates, child-care, keeping your kids busy with one activity after the other, vacations, PTO, family coming to visit, the potential fear that your child may fall back in school, and the the anticipation of hearing this dreaded phrase riiiiight at about week 2…. “I’m bored! There’s nothing to do!”. AND should we not forget that you also have the added pressure of maintaining a happy attitude because it is summer after all (insert eye roll)!
While I understand that summer is amazing and filled with so many “goods” I don’t want to neglect the fact that it is hard for many people, both children and parents. The transition can be riddled with frustration, stubbornness, irritability, resistance and even feelings of grief as one chapter closes. We know that this transition is inevitable, and I want to take time to talk about how we can transition well— out of school and into summer. As a counselor who works a lot with children, I often have parents that come and say their chief concern is their son or daughter struggles with times of transition. They just can’t stop what they like doing and start what they need to! (If I’m being honest, I don’t particularly love leaving the things I enjoy either) When I work with children struggling in this area, I have 4 focus points that I incorporate into sessions and I ask parents to incorporate them into their daily lives and rhythms as much as they can. While the transition is different for kids and parents this season, the way to do it well goes for both.
Try to set your child up for success as much as possible. This may be through creating a schedule, providing them with context and information about what they are being asked to do, or creating a plan for how to handle those big emotions when they feel upset that they have to move on.
Provide warnings and a generous “heads up” when the transition is getting close. Remember that children under the age of 6 really do not have a realistic understanding of time, so some parents opt to give them a 3-2-1 (minute) warning as this helps the child process what it is they’re experiencing as the transition approaches.
Reflect what the child feels and validate their emotions. TRANSITIONS CAN BE HARD. FOR EVERYONE. It may sound something like this, “I appreciate how much time you are putting into building that castle, and it is frustrating to have to stop, but it is time to stop, it is time to stop now”
Encourage and praise their effort and behavior to transition to something less desirable. This is an incredible opportunity to acknowledge that your child was able to do something hard and challenging (if they kept a good attitude, that’s a double win!) and when you point this effort out, it will set them up for future success.
Maybe you can use these focus areas to encourage your child with transitions, or even better use them for yourself and set a good model for your child—monkey see, monkey do!