You Deserve Your Kindness By Zack McMaster

Compassion is having sympathetic understanding and concern for someone who is suffering. When you hear about compassion, it is often about having compassion for others. Having compassion for others is a good thing. As a social aspect, it allows for individuals to care for and assist each other on a deeper level. Compassion is a motivator to help and support others during times of struggle. You can have compassion for someone else when they are suffering, they have made a mistake, or they did not achieve what they set out to do. But what happens when you are suffering, have made a mistake, or did not reach your goal? 

We are frequently our own worst critic. Your inner critic can be useful. It motivates you to strive, to keep working towards your goals and keep achieving. Your inner critic has a function and it serves it well, sometimes too well. With an over-functioning inner critic, a simple mistake can be disastrous. Our goals may be completely unattainable, which creates a self-sabotaging cycle. An over-functioning inner critic will keep you from accepting the compassion of others, making you believe you do not deserve it. This is where self-compassion comes in.

As the name suggests, self-compassion is extending that same compassion that you give to others, but to yourself instead. Self-compassion is a difficult skill to grow. It can seem awkward and selfish, especially when you are not accustomed to it. It may seem counterintuitive, but self-compassion as a far stronger motivator than self-criticism

The secret of self-compassion is that you do not have to earn it. When you give compassion to others, they do not have to prove to you that they were “worthy” to receive your compassion. You do not have to prove you are worthy either. You deserve the same compassion you give everyone else, simply because you exist. 

When your friend is going through a tough time, you support them, and when they succeed, you congratulate them. You don’t tell them they deserve to be suffering or they could have done a better job. So why do we put ourselves down or undermine our successes. We are often told “treat others how you want to be treated”, but when it comes to self-compassion, we need to learn to treat ourselves how we would treat a friend.