What Introversion and Extroversion Really Are (And Aren’t)! By Kiki Leonard
So often, we equate introversion with being shy and extroversion with being outgoing. It’s an easy mistake to make, but really, intro/extroversion are not about how we interact with the world, but rather about how we recharge. Let’s dive into these terms a little more.
Extroverts recharge by spending time in the presence of other people. They have a need to engage socially with others in order to “refill their battery”. Introverts, on the other hand, recharge by spending time alone. They have a need to disengage socially in order to refill their battery. Typically, we think of extroverts as outgoing, charismatic, and social; however, some are actually really shy! They still need people time, but it may be very difficult for them to put themselves out there, especially with people they don’t know. On the other hand, introverts aren’t always shy or socially reserved; some are very charismatic and great conversationalists, but their socialization takes a toll on them, and they need to retreat before or after to recharge.
The complicated thing is that this is not a binary trait. We aren’t wholly extroverted or wholly introverted; it’s a spectrum! Personally, I fall on the more extroverted side of things. I need good people time to keep me energized. However, I also hit a wall sometimes where I need to withdraw and have some good alone time in order to re-energize myself. I like to think of these two needs in terms of actual batteries. My need for people time is greater than my need for alone time, so my batteries look something like this:
For someone who is more introverted than extroverted, their batteries might look something like this:
Then we have people who fall in the center of the spectrum. Their introvert and extrovert batteries are about the same size; they need people time and alone time in somewhat equal measure. These folks are called ambiverts:
So now that we’ve covered what introversion and extroversion are, the next question is: How do we navigate interactions with people who have different, even opposing, needs? The first step here is awareness. After all, we can’t honor someone else’s needs if we don’t know what they are, and we can’t expect others to respect our needs if we don’t communicate them. So, start off with a curious conversation. Compare and contrast how introverted/extroverted you each are. Some good questions are:
Are you an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between?
How does that show up in your life?
What helps you to recharge or feel rejuvenated?
What tires you out?
The next step is clear, explicit communication. If you are feeling drained, let someone know – and specify which battery needs to be recharged. On the other hand, if you notice someone else dragging, ask them about their batteries and what they might need to refill them. Lastly, always keep in mind that our needs differ from person to person and even from moment to moment depending on our context – curiosity and flexibility are key in understanding how best to re-energize ourselves!