Holding Space for Grief: The Power of Sitting in Someone’s Pain by Taylor Strong
Grief is one of the most profound human experiences—raw, unfiltered, and deeply personal. It is also one of the most uncomfortable emotions for those witnessing it. Our natural instinct is to fix, to find solutions, and to ease the suffering of those we love. But grief is not a problem to be solved. It is a process to be honored, an experience to be felt, and a journey that should be walked through rather than rushed past.
The Urge to Fix vs. The Need to Feel
When someone we care about is grieving, our first impulse is often to offer words of comfort, to reassure them that “things will get better,” or to attempt to distract them from their pain. These efforts, though well-intentioned, can sometimes leave the grieving person feeling dismissed or misunderstood. Instead of alleviating their suffering, these attempts at fixing may inadvertently invalidate their experience, making them feel as though their grief is unwelcome or burdensome.
Grief is not something that can be neatly packaged, managed, or expedited. It is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. By trying to fix grief, we risk interfering with its natural process. Instead, what people in grief often need most is for others to simply hold space for their pain—to sit with them in their sorrow, to acknowledge the depth of their loss, and to allow them the time and space to feel it fully.
The Non-Linear Nature of Grief
Contrary to popular belief, grief does not follow a straight path. The idea that we move neatly through “stages” of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—is an oversimplification of a much more complex experience. Grief ebbs and flows. Some days, the pain feels manageable; other days, it can come crashing down like a tidal wave. There is no timeline, no predictable progression, no right or wrong way to grieve.
This unpredictability can be frustrating for both the griever and those supporting them. When we expect grief to follow a set course, we may unintentionally push those grieving toward “moving on” before they are ready. But healing from loss is not about moving on—it is about learning to carry the loss differently, the griever can “move forward” while incorporating the loved one they lost in a way that is meaningful to them and unique to their own relationship.
The Power of Holding Space
So, what does it mean to hold space for someone in grief? It means offering presence rather than solutions. It means listening without judgment, without rushing to offer advice or silver linings, as this type of feedback can leave grievers feeling dismissed and detached from their experience and pain. It means allowing someone to cry without immediately trying to stop their tears. It means being comfortable with silence and understanding that sometimes, there are no words that can make things better—only the quiet reassurance of shared presence.
Holding space for grief is one of the greatest gifts we can offer. It allows those in pain to feel seen and supported without pressure or expectation. It acknowledges that their loss matters, that their emotions are valid, and that they are not alone. In the moment of holding space for someone, it is okay to recognize that it may feel uncomfortable or unnatural for you, but remember that your loving presence can be enough and exactly what the griever needs in that moment.
A Therapeutic Journey
When grief is honored rather than suppressed, it can lead to deep personal transformation. Allowing someone to sit in their pain, to fully experience it, and to process it in their own time can be profoundly therapeutic. True healing does not come from avoidance but from moving through the depths of grief with support and understanding.
While it may be difficult to resist the urge to fix, choosing instead to simply be with someone in their pain can be the most powerful form of love and support. Grief is not meant to be solved—it is meant to be witnessed, honored, and felt. And in that space of shared sorrow, healing begins.