How to Support Your Kids Through Milestone Testing by Lauren Buice
It’s April, which means Georgia Milestones are here…yuck! Seriously, I can’t think of any kid or adult who finds standardized testing any amount of enjoyable. It's the time of year when kids start having stress dreams about completely blanking on a test, imagining their peers finishing while they’re still on question three, watching their academic career get flushed down the toilet.
Yes, essentially every kid and teen that has walked into my office the past two weeks has brought up their anxiety about the Georgia Milestones and End-Of-Course testing. And I’m not gonna lie—even just typing this brought up memories of standardized testing in my school days, and I got a little anxious just thinking about it!
It's tough to watch your child struggle with worry, but the good news is there are many ways you can provide effective support. This blog post will guide you through understanding your child's anxiety and how to help them navigate this, shall we say, character-building time.
What Is Test Anxiety?
We know that many students experience more than just nerves before standardized tests. Test anxiety can look like stomachaches and headaches, losing sleep, catastrophizing (e.g., “if I don’t do well, I’m going to repeat a grade”), avoidance, and shutting down.
Because of the perceived high stakes of end-of-year testing, kids who normally can manage anxiety around tests may have a spike in worry, and parents who don’t have to normally support their kids through anxiety might be panicking and thinking, “Is this normal?!”
In my experience, the fear around testing and grades often boils down to a few unhelpful and untrue beliefs:
If I don’t do well in school, then I am not good enough.
If I fail these tests, then I won’t go to a good school, good college, or get a good job, which means I’m a failure at life.
If I don’t do as good as my friends, they will exclude or make fun of me.
As we can see, test anxiety is not just trivial worries about the difference between an A or a B in a class—it is tied to deep fears about self-worth and identity.
So, what can parents do to help support their kids as they struggle with anxiety around standardized testing?
Name It and Validate It.
Verbalizing to your child that they are experiencing anxiety and that their feelings of worry are normal is essential to supporting them. Many well-meaning parents want to downplay the anxiety by saying, “But there’s nothing to be anxious about!” or “don’t worry about it!” Well, if a kid is feeling anxious, and then they’re told not to be…
a) that doesn’t suddenly flip a switch and make them feel calm, and
b) they can get even more upset because they can’t do what their parent is telling them to do.
Instead, validate and normalize whatever it is they are feeling, even if it doesn’t feel very rational to you.
Examples:
“It’s normal to feel anxious about tests. Do you want to talk about it, or do you want a distraction?”
“I hear that you're feeling really worried about the test. That sounds tough.”
“It makes sense that you're feeling this way, considering how important this test feels.”
“You're not alone in feeling this way.”
“It's brave of you to share how you're feeling.”
“Thank you for telling me how you feel. I want to help.”
Emphasize the Effort, Not the Outcome.
Keep the test in perspective. This is one test, not their whole academic career. Tests do not truly measure a child’s abilities; tests only measure how a student performs on a specific day, at a specific time, on questions someone else chose. The skills your kid has aren’t measured by a test, but they are the skills the world needs. Be sure to celebrate your child’s hard work and not just the results of the test. Regardless of their scores, give your kid a big “kudos” and “job well done” for doing a very hard thing!
Healthy Habits.
Make sure your kid gets enough sleep, eats nutritious foods, limits caffeine (a huge contributor to anxiety!), and drinks plenty of water leading up to the test. Encourage them to get outside and move their bodies instead of cramming at a desk all evening. Physical and mental health are interconnected, so be sure to pay attention to your child’s physical health at this time.
Be a Respite from Test-Talk.
Chances are your kids have been hearing about testing all month long from their teachers. Their peers are talking about it and sharing their own anxieties with your student, potentially keeping a big chunk of their time and focused on the test. Make your home a place where they don’t have to think more about it (unless, of course, they are wanting to talk with you and get it off their chest). Be intentional about doing fun or relaxing activities at home and as a family. Perhaps each family member gets to pick a fun dinner theme each night, or your Friday board game nights happen three days in a row!
Review Coping Strategies.
Whether it’s breathing exercises, positive affirmations, or moving your body, review some coping strategies with your kids that they can use before and during the tests. Some ideas include square breathing (4 seconds breathing in, 4 seconds holding, 4 seconds breathing out, 4 seconds holding) and progressive muscle relaxation (tensing and releasing different muscle groups in the body). It may be helpful for your kid to have a mantra, such as “I am not my grades” or “I can do hard things” to repeat when negative thoughts pop into their head.
When to Seek Help.
If your kid is excessively anxious about the tests, you may want to consider seeking professional support. There are therapists at Rise (like me!) who specialize in working with kids and teens and can help you and your child navigate test-based anxiety, dismantle those problematic core beliefs at the root of the anxiety, and rebuild self-confidence based on their inherent worth.
Some signs in your student you may want to seek out a therapist for:
They are constantly talking or thinking about the test, ruminating, etc., especially if they are not spending as much time or losing interest in things they normally enjoy.
They are experiencing negative self-talk, such as “I’m such a failure,” “this is hopeless,” or “I’m not smart enough for this test; I’m dumb.”
Sleep or appetite is disrupted, whether a decrease or increase.
Stomachaches, headaches, or other physical symptoms happen frequently.
You notice them picking at fingers, chewing nails, or pulling out hair consistently.
They cry excessively about it, or the opposite—they shut down, refuse to talk, or space out.
I hope this read has helped you feel more confident in your ability to support your child or teen during this stressful period. Here’s to all of our students being “worry warriors” this week by overcoming anxiety and doing their best on those Milestones!